Self sabotage

While we're being honest, let's get really real. I have been having success. Lately I've been seeing the fruits of my labor in the form of results in the mirror. Clothes that I haven't worn in 3yrs fit me now. But what happens when we start to see results? We become obsessed. We want more and more and we want them now. I mean honestly, raise your hand if this has happened to you. I see you. So like a complete asshole (as is human nature) I started to push harder with my workouts, get more strict with my diet to the point where it all became work. My diet became so limited and I was so bored with it that I just would rather not eat. I haven't logged my food but I can venture to guess my calories have been way too low the passed week.

Lately I have been feeling all too familiar feelings that scare me. Fatigue, irritability, foggyness, and lately I've just been lethargic. Those are not good things when you are solely responsible for taking care of and entertaining a toddler all day long. Granted the symptoms are not the same as before but they are similar enough to scare the shit out of me. I have come so far to go back into that abyss. And how could it even be??! I eat very little carbs so it can't be the insulin resistance. So then it's something worse? My mind is racing. Time for me to take control of the ship and steer it in the right direction. Which means smacking that obsessive bitch out of the way and redirecting us. 

1. I'm logging my food today to make sure I eat enough calories and to make sure they are mostly fat. I desperately need to get ideas for new food choices bc I'm at the point where I'm considering just drinking my meals.

2. Going back to HIIT 2 times a week instead of 3. And keeping my workouts to 30min. Whatever gets done gets done and whatever doesn't, doesn't. This helps to keep me on schedule anyway and I get to sleep a little more. Also I'm really not feeling motivated or energetic lately (which KILLS me bc those are things I love to be) so the short workouts are good mentally going in, knowing ok it's just this then out. 

If doing these things (mostly the first one) does not change these negative things I'm feeling I will go in for more bloodwork.

I'm a flawed person. But I keep trying.


*update* among  the things i was pushing to the extreme was the metformin. they already have me on a low dose 500mg daily. and the doc even said she didn't think it was necessary unless i wanted it. so i had been taking 1/2 a pill a day. so 250mg a day. which is very small. of course this weekend i decided to up it to a whole capsule (500mg). and thats when the trouble started. i think. i was feeling a little sick on friday so hard to tell for sure. its entirely possible that with my little calories and restriction on carbs i didn't need any metformin and i instead doubled it.

i read this online "If your body is now using insulin more effectively it could be leading to low blood sugar levels and low blood sugar levels can lead to severe mood alterations - or worse."

I'm HOPING this is what the issue is. Because it can be easily rectified. Definitely having moodswings and irritability. Like last time, its getting worse by the day. And my Rhodiola isn't doing much.

Anyway my 3rd plan of action is to cut back down to half a metformin daily. If it doesn't get better I will stop all together. I'm sure my numbers have gone down. I'd been feeling great until recently. so we'll see.