Consistency

So for those of you who don't know, for the passed couple of months I've been battling with something and not knowing what it is. Every 2 weeks I would get fatigue and moodswings. Every time it came back it got worse and more symptoms came along with it. Extreme fatigue, moodswings, depression, anxiety, body aches, joint pain and more. 4th of July weekend it all just came to a head. Instead of two week spurts it was coming regularly and there was no rhyme or reason to it. Several people told me it was my thyroid. Looking up my symptoms, they seem to all point to hypothyroidism. I've had to wait (thanks to my insurance and doctors) to make an appt. I will hopefully get a proper diagnosis on my Aug 1st appt.

I've gone from thriving and excelling to feeling like I'm lost in a fog. I have good days and bad days. Now it's all about taking it one day at a time as I have no control. Which bothers me but I have learned to accept it right now. I hope that I can get the proper medication but for now this is my life.

While I'm doing better mood wise thanks to an herb I found called Rhodiola Rosea, I'm still having issues with my weight. The fact that I've worked out 5days a week for months and only lost 12lbs is not normal. I would beat myself up because I see ppl losing up to 50lbs in those same months. And I'm watching my calories and working out regularly, I mean what more can I do? But it turns out part of hypothyroidism is weight gain or trouble losing weight. Great. I thought I beat that demon when I lost 90lbs 4yrs ago and my PCOS cleared up. So on the one hand it's nice to know it's not for lack of trying. On the other hand it's frustrating and discouraging.

My biggest problem now that the fatigue and moodswings aren't as debilitating anymore, is the weight. I got down to 186lbs and now I'm at 189lbs. But it's been like this for months. I'll lose 2lbs, gain 3, stay the same weight, work really really hard and lose 3lbs but gain 2, etc etc. to the point where I'm not getting anywhere. At least scale wise. It does make me feel better that my pictures show slight changes. I have to do a seperate post on the scale another time. 

Anyway the whole point if this blog is that the fatigue and moods have affected my workouts but more so my eating. I haven't been tracking for a couple of weeks. I just get this whole feeling sorry for myself thing that you get when you're sick or something. That whole I'm hungry I'm just gonna eat what I want. Now I'm not going to eat mcdonalds or anything. Nothing major. But I have had sweets here And there more than I should and just....not tracking and not trying to get my protein in. I've just had a fuck it kind of attitude. Like I'm not well, I can't focus on that now. I'm gonna give myself a break. Which is ok here and there but it's definitely become a pattern.  I decide I needed help holding myself accountable. 

I figured if I drew up a calendar and crossed off the days I worked out that it would motivate me to stay on track. I'm very visual and seeing just how much I worked out this month tells the story of why I haven't lost any weight. You think you're just taking breaks here and there but couple that with my bad eating habits and it's clear as day (it's really more the eating than the working out). I'm hoping that seeing this and physically crossing off the days will motivate me to stay on track and that will transfer over into my food tracking. 

I will admit, it's very hard to keep it up all the time. It takes a lot of discipline and focus to track everything I eat and workout and stay on schedule with my duties as a stay at home mom/housewife. Sometimes I think about how much easier my life would be if I didn't wake up early to workout. If I didn't have to log everything I ate. But then I wouldn't change. Change isn't easy. 

And despite all my setbacks I keep moving forward towards my goal. Dust myself off and try again. Here we go.